One of Oscar Wilde’s most famous quotes goes like this: “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
For a very long time, I couldn’t agree more with the Irish literary genius and transformed this quote into a personal mantra. And worse: I used it as an excuse when I heard people gossiping about me. And, why not? I was meant to become the next big thing in New York, right? You must know, as a former fashion editor I come from a world, where gossiping is the main form of communication. Or as Don Miguel Ruiz writes in his book The Four Agreements: “Gossiping has become the way we feel close to each other, because it makes us feel better to see someone else feel as badly as we do.”
That gossiping about other people made me uncomfortable though, and even left me with a bitter taste in my mouth, was something I tried to ignore for a long time. As well as the fact, that this behavior did hurt myself more than I wanted to admit to myself. Instead of becoming energized by saying something negative about someone else or by feeling schadenfreude, I started to feel not only ashamed, but depleted as well.
“Gossiping has become the way we feel close to each other, because it makes us feel better to see someone else feel as badly as we do.”
And worse: As a grown-up who has been bullied and gossiped about as a child and a teenager, I am fighting to this day with self-esteem issues and eating disorders. Instead of empowering myself, gossiping did hurt me more than I realized. The negative things I said about others or the gossip I received from the words of others, became the way I talked and thought about myself. Here are some examples I am still trying to free myself from: “I look fat.”, “I look ugly.” And: “I am not worth it.”
Do these words, patterns and feelings sound familiar? I do hope so. Because gossiping is like leaving garbage inside and outside your house. Aka “… words are like magic spells” as Don Miguel Ruiz says. “Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything.” And: “The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.”
That is why I want to start refocusing on my spiritual work, to transcend my petty ego and let the Cosmos and Karma handle the rest.
Or as Don Miguel Ruiz recommends: “Be impeccable with your word.”
My personal tip: Start falling in love with yourself again. Discover parts of your inner and outer self that you find beautiful or that make you smile. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. And most and foremost: Tell yourself how much you love yourself.
Another very helpful tool for this practice is the Gyan Chakra Kriya, a 11 minute meditation, as it opens our heart. "Specifically, the arm movements stimulate the radiance of our halo, expand the brilliant protection of our aura, as well as strengthen our nervous system. This kriya also adjusts our life force so that we can move through any intense situation with grace and creativity", says Jennifer from Mastering My Moon, a Reiki Master, certified in TFT, EFT, Kundalini Yoga.
You might shake your head by reading those words and fear that you’ll never get there. I can relate, believe me. I’ve been down this road many times. I am there right now again. But I also know that I can do it. Again. And so can you. It is possible.
Satya Devprem Kaur